We see it all the time in posts to Reddit and other lifestyle forums:

  • Am I hot enough to be a swinger?
  • I’m a BBW, will I get any action?
  • We are 55+, and have trouble attracting partners.
  • I was rejected because my penis is too small…and I’m average size.

Body image is a tough enough issue in everyday life but dealing with it in the lifestyle is another beast entirely. As with vanilla life, media and marketing are some of the biggest problems here. From swinger sites and profiles to lifestyle takeover advertisements to house party digital flyers, they all seem to show only the most attractive among us. Take a look at this screenshot from Kasidie’s Parties list:

kasidie parties
12/2019

Every single one of these shows, well, what we have come to expect: beautiful and sexy people engaging in erotic activities. I mean, yes, that’s kind of the point but let’s take a quick venture into reality for a minute.

What is Normal?

According to the CDC, the average (2015-2016 data) American male between 20 and 39 weights 196.9lbs and is 5’7″ tall. Between ages 40-59 that jumps to 200.9lbs (same height). The average woman aged 20-39 weighs in at 167.5lbs at 5’3″ tall and for ages 40-59 that jumps to 176lbs! MyBodyGallery is an interesting project that collects normal photos of women (the men’s version seems to be down) who fit specific weight/height criteria. Let’s put these numbers into that to see what the “average American woman” looks like:

Click through a few of those and then look above again. Yea, of course, way off. That’s not news but it does begin to speak to why there are so many concerns about body image in the lifestyle. Admittedly, it would seem that most body image concerns come from women and it’s no wonder, given the daily pressures of beauty and expectation that they are under. Combine that with the hyper-sexual atmosphere of swinging and it can be very intimidating.

Despite this, we do feel that, again, as in real life, women tend to be much harder on themselves than most men in this lifestyle are on them. You absolutely have a small percentage of guys who will reject an average woman due to some kind of perceived flaw or body-type preference. However, it’s probably safe to say that the vast majority of men would not and that most men are more than happy to have a good time with a confident and personable woman!

What About The Men?

Of course, we can’t talk about body image without talking about a man’s height and penis size. Of all the things that are so far beyond anyone’s control its most certainly these two things. Most people have at least some control over changing (barring a medical condition) their weight, fitness, dress style, hygiene, attitude, education, career, facial hair, etc. Unfortunately, we can’t count the number of profiles on swinger, hotwife, cuckold, and general dating sites where there is literally a measurement minimum that filters out otherwise quality men. Not only quality men but MOST men.

Let’s think about this statistically for a bit. We’re going to focus on penis size since that’s what most profiles (and men) seem to be hung up on (no pun intended ;). The average erect penis size, while debatable, appears to be 5.17 inches long (0.65in SD) and 4.59 inches in circumference (0.43in SD). Putting that into a Gaussian Distribution we have roughly 95% of men falling between 3.9 and 6.5in in length! Think about that for a minute. That means that for every 100 men you see (on average) only 2-3 of them will have a penis that is larger than 6.5in!

A purely anecdotal account of 11 years of browsing profiles tells us that when we see a length requirement, it’s almost always length with a girth description of, “thick.” The minimum number we see the most is 8″+. So let’s see here, we wonder what proportion of the Western/European male (the study covered all available races) population has a penis that is at least 8″ in length. Doing the math using the above numbers we get a probability so small that it is effectively zero.

https://www.mathportal.org/calculators/statistics-calculator/normal-distribution-calculator.php. Side note, I do have some concerns about the reported standard deviation as it seems a bit small but we’ll go with the study for now since even doubling it to 1.2in still makes finding an 8+” penis in the population 0.92%.

Now, of course, we know this not to be true in the real world since there most certainly are penises in the 8″+ range (Mina has had some ;). However, statistically speaking, we can safely say they are extremely rare. Now, combine this with the fact that most couples have additional criteria in their search for guys like they have to be good looking, respectful, professionally employed, fit, etc. and now you are faced with a probability multiplication problem where you take the chances of A occurring and multiply it by the chances of B (and C and D…) occurring which in this case will give you an extremely small probability of finding someone who matches all criteria.

We didn’t lay all of that out to suggest that people’s preferences are wrong. Quite the contrary. A big penis can feel very good…but so can an average or smaller one. Not better, not worse, just different. The point is that as a guy, don’t be ashamed because you don’t measure up to one couple’s criteria. Let them search for and eat their own cake. You can find another one that is just as sweet.

Couples (or ladies), the numbers are real and something has to give. I can’t tell you how many couples we have talked to that struggle to find guys “equipped” in all the right ways while bypassing dozens of awesome ones just because they missed one criterion on their list (one that they have no control over!). We’re not saying you have to settle but having a hard limit (hehe) on size rules out an awful lot of really good guys.

The Reality of it All

The reality is that, just as with vanilla life, people come in all shapes and sizes; and likewise, people love other people in all shapes and sizes! But for an activity that focuses so much on sex and attraction, the popular opinion seems to be that you have to be near perfect to participate much less have a good time. This really could not be further from the truth.

Yes, it could be that people who choose to engage in lifestyles like swinging, hotwifing, cuckolding, hothusbanding, etc. are not a normal representation of the population in general. Maybe the lifestyle does attract a disproportionate number of people who are better looking, fitter, have larger penis’, etc. but we have yet to see any legitimate study that demonstrates that claim so until that happens, we have to assume that the swinger (et al.) population mirrors the general population.

While we are not exactly seasoned old hats in the lifestyle, we have dabbled in it over 10+ years and have been to house parties, meet and greets, and certainly our fair share of dates, hookups, and sexy conversations with strangers. The truth is, as you likely already know but maybe find it hard to believe, that there really are all kinds of people in this lifestyle. We’ve seen the grossly overweight to dangerously thin both playing and having a good time. We’ve seen people with swastika tattoos to people literally fucking a stranger while wearing a crucifix around their neck (or worse, tatted on their body). We’ve seen guys measuring in at somewhere around 3-4″ having sex with absolutely gorgeous women who appeared to be really enjoying themselves. For whatever “flaws” you think you have we can guarantee you that there are people out there who either love your flaws or don’t even notice them.

Yes, there are “perfect” people in this lifestyle. Be it age, genetics, surgery, dam hard work in the kitchen or gym; they are out there and they may initially get noticed more but we’ll tell you that they likely get just as much play as the average swinger. Never judge the swinger population by the profile pictures you see. There’s a reason, beyond anonymity, why most are taken from weird angles, have terrible lighting, or are otherwise augmented.

It’s difficult to express how much success in the lifestyle comes down to personality, attitude, and confidence. Despite what porn may tell us, most people don’t want to fuck some who is a rude asshole or uppity bitch. That’s great fodder for fantasies but it’s just not the norm in the lifestyle. Have a good attitude, be friendly, be confident in your “flaws” (own them!), treat everyone with respect, be grateful for the freedom you have to experience what you are! These are the keys!

Having said all of that, if being in the lifestyle motivates you to make positive and healthy changes to who you are, that’s freaking awesome! That’s actually partially what motivated Jonathan to start working out again! Of course, it has to be something that YOU want for yourself. Never let other people’s perceptions of you dictate the changes you make unless you want to make those changes for yourself. Lifestyle benefits to personal improvement should be seen as a happy side benefit.

One comment on “Body Image and Penis Size in the Swinger Lifestyle”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.